


walk away, catch up with the sunrise

by camwolfe



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 03:11:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4944550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camwolfe/pseuds/camwolfe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They've had this fight before, and they'll have it again. Bucky hates arguing with Steve, he fucking hates it, but here they are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	walk away, catch up with the sunrise

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually from an anon prompt! It ended up being way longer than I thought it would be, so I thought I'd post it here too. 
> 
> Title from "Landfill", by Daughter. What can I say, at least I'm consistent with the songs that I use for titles.

“Please. I just… really need space right now.” 

“All right,” Bucky says. He tries his best not to show the hurt he’s feeling. He doesn’t think it’s working. “I’ll stay at Lucy’s tonight.” 

“Thanks,” Steve says without looking up from the sketch he’s working on. He’s sitting at their table, his brow furrowed. He won’t look at Bucky. 

“I’ll just… go, I guess,” Bucky says awkwardly. He takes a step toward the bedroom. He’ll need some clothes if he’s going to sleep at Lucy’s and still go to work in the morning. 

Steve doesn’t say anything. He’s still working on his sketch, but Bucky can see that his hands are shaking. Steve’s that mad, he’s that angry at Bucky that he’s literally shaking with it. 

Bucky goes into the bedroom, shoves some clothes into a bag, and then comes back out. 

“I’m leaving,” he says. Steve nods. 

Bucky makes it three steps into the hallway before he turns around. 

“No,” he announces, stomping back into their apartment. “You know what? No.” 

Steve finally looks up from his sketch, frowning. “I thought you were going to Lucy’s.” 

“Well, now I’m not,” Bucky says defiantly. He drops his bag on the ground and kicks the door shut behind him. “You can’t kick me out of my own apartment, Steve.” 

Steve scowls. “I’m not kicking you out, Buck! Jesus, I asked for space, not for you to move out - “ 

“If you want space, you can leave,” Bucky snaps. He kicks off his shoes and sits down in the chair opposite Steve, his arms crossed. “I pay rent here. If I want to sleep in my own damn bed, I’m going to sleep in my own damn bed.” 

Steve rolls his eyes. “You’ve slept at Lucy’s twice this week already. It’s not like it’s a hardship for you.” 

“Well, maybe I don’t wanna sleep there tonight,” Bucky says. “I’m tired. I want to sleep here. In my own apartment, in my own bed.” 

Steve throws up his hands. “Fine! I don’t care! Stay here tonight or go to Lucy’s. It doesn’t matter to me.” 

“Clearly it does,” Bucky says sharply. “Considering you just tried to kick me out because you’re angry with me.” 

“I’m not - I’m not  _angry_ ,” Steve says, tossing his pencil down onto the table. It hits his sketch and leaves a messy line over his neat drawing. 

“Uh huh,” Bucky says. “You’re definitely not.” 

Steve glares at him. “I was tryin’ to calm down, Buck! That’s why I wanted you to leave! So that this wouldn’t happen!” 

“So you leave then!” Bucky shouts back. They’re going to annoy the neighbours. Bucky doesn’t care. “Why should I have to go?” 

“Because I don’t have anywhere else to go!” Steve snaps. “You can go to Lucy’s, or your ma’s, or Becca’s, or any of your friend’s places. Hell, even Katherine would probably let you sleep at hers and you ended it with her months ago! Where am I supposed to go if I want to be alone?” 

Bucky spreads his arms out. “I don’t know! That’s not my fault!” 

“I’m not saying it is!” 

“Yeah, you kinda are!” 

“I am not,” Steve snaps. He stands up, glowering at Bucky. “Stop twisting my words. I just wanted to be alone for a while, Buck. I wasn’t kicking you out.” 

“I don’t get why you wanna be alone in the first place!” Bucky shouts back. He stands up too, bracing his hands on the table so he’s not towering over Steve. 

“Yeah,” Steve says, his face flush with anger. “Just like you don’t get why I’m mad in the first place.” 

One of their neighbours pounds on the wall. They ignore it. 

“You’re right! I don’t get it!” Bucky says. “Why does me paying our bills bother you so much? Would you rather I let us starve or freeze to death? Cause that’s the other option, Steve!” 

“Of course not,” Steve yells. “Don’t be an idiot. You won’t let me pull my own weight - “ 

“You can’t!” Bucky shouts. “We both know that you don’t have enough money this month to even pay your half of the rent, let alone the rest of it.” 

Bucky instantly regrets saying it. It’s true, but Bucky knows how much Steve hates it, and it’s not fair of him to bring it up. He doesn’t like hurting Steve. He doesn’t want to. 

Steve’s face has fallen. He’s still angry, but he’s got his arms crossed defensively now. “You have to give me a chance - “ 

Bucky groans and runs his hands through his hair, accidentally messing it up. “What chance, Steve? That’s how it is! You don’t have the money!” 

“I’m sorry!” Steve shouts. “I tried, Buck, I did - “ 

“I know, Steve!” Bucky says, trying not to yell back. “It’s not your fault - “ 

Steve laughs hollowly. “Of course it is. Who else’s fault would it be?” 

“No one’s!”

Steve shakes his head. “You shouldn’t have to pay my share of the rent, Buck, let alone paying for my food too - “ 

“But I want to!” Bucky says, exasperated. He’s tired of this fight. They’ve had it before. He just wants to have dinner and then go to bed. “It’s my money, Steve! I can do what I want with it!” 

Steve abruptly drops back into his chair, burying his head in his hands. “You shouldn’t have to spend it on me. I’m dragging you down, I know I am. You should be saving up for a real place, somewhere better than this one. You could be takin’ Lucy out to real nice places, or, or getting yourself a good coat for the winter - “ 

“I don’t need any of that! Why do you think I work so hard, Steve? I don’t have two jobs for the fun of it, I do it so that you and me won’t freeze in the winter, and so we can have some real food for once.” 

Steve groans. “Bucky, you don’t get it,” he says, finally looking up. The flush has faded from his face, leaving him pale and drawn. “You shouldn’t have to take care of me. I’m just a burden to you.” 

Bucky’s heart sinks. “That’s not true - “ 

“It is!” Steve says desperately. “I just sit here all day, while you work so much that you barely even have time to come home and sleep before you have to leave again! That’s no life, Bucky.” 

Bucky is abruptly fed up with this. He hates hearing Steve talk about himself that way, he hates that Steve  _thinks_  that about himself, and he hates that there’s nothing he can do to fix it. 

“Steve,” he says, sitting down in his chair again. “If you could, would you be out working with me? A full time job?” 

“Of course,” Steve says with a frown. “Nobody’ll take me, Buck, you know that. I’ve tried - “ 

“No, no, that’s not what I mean,” Bucky says hastily. “I just mean that if you were healthy, if your lungs and heart were good, I know you’d be out working just as much as I do. But that’s not the way it is, and we just have to deal with that.” 

“But - ” Steve tries. 

Bucky interrupts him. “It’s my money, Steve, and I get to chose what to do with it. What I want to do with my hard earned money is pay our rent and our bills, alright? I’m happy knowing that you’re warm and safe and fed. Nothing makes me happier than knowing you’re alright.” 

Steve puts his face in his hands again. “I just wish…” 

“Would you do it for me?” Bucky asks. Steve looks up, frowning. “If it were the other way around. Let’s say that tomorrow a doctor shows up with some kinda cure for your health, and suddenly you can get any job you want.”

Steve’s quiet for once, just watching him, and so Bucky continues. 

“Let’s also say that a crate falls on me tomorrow and I break every bone in my body,” Bucky continues. Steve frowns. 

“No, Buck,” he says.

Bucky waves an impatient hand at him. “Let me finish. So I can’t work anymore, I can’t even get out of bed, but you can. What would you do? Would you kick me out so that you can go on dates and get a nicer apartment?” 

Steve looks horrified. “Of course not!” 

Bucky raises an eyebrow. “And would you pay a little bit more than your share of the rent until I could get back on my feet?” 

Steve still looks a little upset at the thought of this scenario. “Bucky, don’t be ridiculous. You know I would.” 

Bucky throws his arms out. “Well then?” 

Steve slumps down in chair. He looks tired. “Well then what?” 

Bucky groans. “You’d do the same for me, Steve. I know that, you know that. So why’s it so hard for you to accept? Just let me help.” 

Steve opens his mouth to protest again, but Bucky’s done with this conversation. He was hauling crates all day at work, and his back is killing him. He’s sweaty and dirty and his head aches, and he just wants to sleep. 

Bucky drags himself out of his chair and stomps into the bedroom, slamming the door pointedly behind him. He hears their neighbour bang on the wall again, and hears Steve kick the wall in retaliation. 

He drops onto his bed. He’s too tired to care that his blankets are clean and he’s not. He’ll deal with it later. 

It’s quiet in the main room, so hopefully Steve’s finished kicking the wall. Bucky drops off to sleep surprisingly quickly, considering how angry he was a few minutes ago. He’s just so  _exhausted._

 

Bucky wakes up a while later. His back still aches and he doesn’t feel rested at all. 

He rolls over onto his side to see Steve staring at him. Steve’s sitting on his own narrow bed against the other wall, his hands clasped tightly together. His lower lip is swollen like he’s been biting it. 

“What’re you staring at me for?” Bucky mumbles, half into his pillow. 

Steve sighs. “I’m sorry, Buck. About earlier. I don’t… I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I’d be dead without you, I know that.” 

Bucky frowns and props himself up on his elbow. “Don’t talk like that.” 

Steve shrugs. “It’s true. And I’m sorry for getting us into another fight, I really am. I don’t want to argue, I just… I’m sorry.” 

Bucky can never stay mad at Steve. He flops back down onto his pillow and waves a hand at Steve. 

Steve gets off his own bed and comes to join Bucky on his. He lets Bucky pull him into his arms and roll him over so that Steve’s between the wall and Bucky. 

“I just hate this,” Steve mumbles into Bucky’s shoulder. “I hate watching you get so tired, trying to work enough for the both of us.” 

“I don’t mind,” Bucky says sleepily. He tugs Steve closer, his eyes already closing again. 

“I know,” Steve says. He says something else, too, but Bucky’s already drifting back into unconsciousness. Their room is so warm and quiet, and he can feel Steve’s heartbeat against his. 

He knows Steve won’t let this go, because he never, ever does, but it’s okay for now. For now, they’re alright. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr [here](http://cameronwolfe.tumblr.com). Let me know what you thought!


End file.
